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NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE Two
peoples separated by a pond and a common language.. To the citizens of the
United States of America:
In the light of your failure to elect anybody
as President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves and, by extension,
the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective today, December 1, 2000, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other
territories including New Jersey. To aid in the transition to a British Crown
Dependency, please comply with the following acts: 1. Look up
"revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary ($75). Start spelling
English words correctly. 2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God Save
The Queen" 3. Start referring to "soccer" as football
4. Declare
war on Quebec and France 5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason 6. Close down
the NFL. Learn to play rugby 7. Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney
pudding. Train waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell
you their names. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday, this has been
replaced with November 5th 9. All members of this British Crown
Dependency will be required to take 6 weeks annual vacation and observe
statutory tea breaks. 10. Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall
all cars to effect the change immediately. 11. Report to our Consulate
General in NY - M Wragg - for your new passport and job allocation. 12.
Have Meg Ryan report to Prince Andrews Bedchamber. 13. Add the Royal
Insignia to the top of the Washington Monument - and the Queens Christmas
speeches to the Lincoln Memorial. 14. Stop referring to the World Series of
Baseball and instead call it the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.
15. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to
ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you
for your cooperation and have a nice day!
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