VeeJay says, "Passages from Major Barbara."

The Religion
CUSINS
By the way, have you any religion?
UNDERSHAFT
Yes
CUSINS
Anything out of the common?
UNDERSHAFT
Only that there are two things necessary to Salvation.
CUSINS
[disappointed, but polite] Ah, the Church Catechism. Charles Lomax belongs to the Established Church.
UNDERSHAFT
The two things are -
CUSINS
Baptism and -
UNDERSHAFT
No. Money and Gunpowder.
CUSINS
[surprised, but interested] That is the general opinion of our governing classes. The novelty is in hearing any man confess it.
UNDERSHAFT
Just so.
CUSINS
Excuse me: is there any place in your religion for honor, justice, truth, love, mercy, and so forth?
UNDERSHAFT
Yes: they are the graces and luxuries of a rich, strong and safe life.
CUSINS
Suppose one is forced to choose between them and money or gunpowder?
UNDERSHAFT
Choose money and gunpowder; for without enough of both you cannot afford the others.
CUSINS
That is your religion?
UNDERSHAFT
Yes.
The cadence of this reply makes a full close in the conversation, Cusins twists his face dubiously and contemplates Undershaft. Undershaft contemplates him.
CUSINS
Barbara wont stand for that. You will have to choose between your religion and Barbara.
UNDERSHAFT
So will you my friend. She will find out that that drum of yours is hollow.
- Act ll

The Payment
UNDERSHAFT
[tearing out the cheque and pocketing the book as he rises and goes past Cusins to Mrs. Baines] I also, Mrs. Baines, may claim a little disinterestedness. Think of my business! think of the widows and orphans! the men and lads torn to pieces with shrapnel and poisoned with lyddite! [Mrs. Baines shrinks; but he goes on remorselessly] the oceans of blood, not one drop of which is shed in a really just cause! the ravaged crops! the peaceful peasants forced women and men, to till their fields under fire of opposing armies on pain of starvation! the bad blood of the fierce little cowards at home who egg on others to fight for their national vanity! All this makes money for me: I am never richer, never busier than when the papers are full of it. Well, it is your work to preach peace on earth and good will to men. [Mrs. Baines's face lights up again]. Every convert you make is a vote against war. [Her lips move in prayer]. Yet I give you this money to hasten my own commercial ruin. [He gives her the cheque].
- Act ll

The Order
CUSINS
Oh do say there's a Methodist chapel.
UNDERSHAFT
There are two: a Primitive one and a sophisticated one. There is even an Ethical Society; but it is not much patronized, as my men are all strongly religious. In the High Explosives Sheds they object to the presence of Agnostics as unsafe.
CUSINS
And yet they don't object to you!
BARBARA
Do they obey all your orders?
UNDERSHAFT
I never give them any orders. When I spaek to one of them it is, 'Well, Jones, is the baby doing well? and has Mrs. Jones made a good recovery?' 'Nicely, thank you,sir' And that's all.
CUSINS
But Jones has to be kept in order. How do you maintain discipline among your men?
UNDERSHAFT
I don't. They do. You see, the one thing Jones won't stand is any rebellion from the man under him, or any assertion of social equality between the wife of the man with 4 shillings a week less than himself, and Mrs. Jones! Of course they all rebel against me, theoretically. Practically, every man of them keeps the man just below him in his place. I never meddle with them. I never bully them. I don't even bully Lazarus. I say that certain things are to be done; but I don't order anybody to do them. I don't say, mind you, that there is no ordering about and snubbing and even bullying. The men snub the boys and order them about; the carmen snub the sweepers; the artisans snub the unskilled laborers; the foremen drive and bully both the laborers and the artisans; the assistant engineers find fault with the foremen; the chief engineers drop on the assistants; the departmental managers worry the chiefs; and the clerks have tall hats and hymnbooks and keep up the social tone by refusing to associate on equal terms with anybody. The result is a colossal profit, which comes to me.
- Act lll, Major Barbara

"What is the chief end of man?--to get rich. In what way?--dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must. Who is God, the one only and true? Money is God. God and Greenbacks and Stock--father, son, and the ghost of same ..." - Mark Twain, The Revised Catechism, 1871